Weblog

Friday, 27 February 2009

Saturday, 10 January 2009

  • Flames

    Fire burning, smoke trails rise
    Draw a path that I can trace
    To the point of origin
    Returning to the unformed face

    I thought I understood
    But knowledge left me burned
    From ashes I rose to a new birth
    Yet forgot what I had learned

    Warm me to my core, or leave me be
    Though starving, I am consumed
    By the flames of curiosity
    In this blazing question, "Why?"

    You hold me, I know not the reason
    I feel content, secure, yet restrained
    Sparks flicker past, singeing us both
    Release to me the beauty and pain

    A spark catches fuel, the cycle returns
    With faint traces of memory left
    I lean towards you, and question
    Are these the purging fires
    Before I meet salvation
    Before I learn to love

    Your voice is silent by the roar of the flames.
    I rise from the ashes on the ground

    Fire burning, smoke trails rise
    Draw a path that I can trace
    To the point of origin
    Returning to the unformed face

    I thought I understood,
    But knowledge left me burned,
    From ashes I rose to a new birth,
    And forgot what I had learned.

Monday, 15 December 2008

  • If you take away your race, religion, family, education and job - who are you?

     

    First and foremost, I am a human being. I consume (words, thoughts, ideas, music, moments), and I expel (words, thoughts, ideas, music, emotions).

    I am insecure.

    I am searching for meaning.

     

    I am an encyclopedia of knowledge, who survived her academic career by memorizing the necessary information. Recently, I realized that facts and statistics have little relevance in this world; rather, what truly matters ought to be compassion, respect, love, loyalty, and forgiveness. I believe that we should combat ignorance and apathy, but memorization is not the way. Rather, awareness to one’s surroundings is more useful. Listening is the among the greatest gifts that can be given.

     

    Music gives me a reason to live. The kind embraces of friends occasionally give me yet another reason.

     

    I want to learn how to love.

     

    I was a shell of my former self; but somehow, it seems as if another hermit crab journeyed from its previous location, and chose to fill the hollow space that once existed.


    I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Friday, 21 November 2008

  • What is my ultimate desire in life?

    To find a place where I belong.

     

    It’s not here. I never will belong here. Too many things don’t make sense…

     

    I will never understand why people like parties, or crowds, or will endure sleep deprivation while working on homecoming festivities, such as decorating a hallway which will be torn down the next morning. I will never understand the purpose of spectator sports, or rap, or why people watch shows such as “Disney Channel”. (Perhaps it’s their escapism, much as music is mine?) I will never understand why people attempt to beat the system, instead of working to achieve what they desire. I don’t get it. None of it.

     

    But frankly, I see this as an impossible task.

     

    I doubt that people will ever understand me.  I don’t think that they will understand my ‘pro-life’ ideals, or why I am willing to spend five dollars on a cup of coffee.  I don’t believe that anybody will ever understand the insecurities which dwell in me, or why there are scars upon my ankles.  Nobody will understand how much it scares me that I continue to debate within myself whether of not religion is moral. Nobody will understand how deeply I want to love life, yet how I continue to fail in this regard…

     

    “To be great is to be misunderstood…”---Emerson

Sunday, 16 November 2008

  • What is the purpose of an afterlife? An existence with ever constant praise of God, or eternal punishment for malicious actions on earth?

    I don't want to believe that there is a heaven. Catholicism preaches that in order to attain heaven, a person has to be free of mortal sin. In order to commit a mortal sin, a person has to commit an act that is "grave" with full and deliberate consent, and to acknowledge that it in fact was a grave action. If a person commits mortal sin, they can be absolved if they go to confession.

    But in solely avoiding mortal sin, I don't believe that a person lives a moral life. If a person lives solely to attain salvation by avoiding mortal sin, life is meaningless.  I think that apathy is a sin, yet according to this definition, if I knew that a holocaust was occurring, yet I didn't pursue actions to combat it, I would still go to heaven. There would be no personal consequences for my actions, although people would continue to suffer and die.

    I think that this definition takes away from the need to aid humanity.  Life shouldn't be about avoiding sin, it should be about guiding all choices by morality.  I think that the purpose of life is to aid future generations. It is to love others, even when it is difficult. It is to embrace every bitter-sweet emotion on this world, to suffer and triumph over struggle. It is to listen when somebody needs an ear, and embrace when somebody needs support. It is to speak when nobody else is willing, and to learn, so that ignorance will not cause poor decisions to be made.

    And for me, belief in an afterlife inspires apathy. It inspires me to look out for the `purity' of my soul, without acknowledging the other dilemmas that are facing the world.

    If I were to do that, I believe that my life would have less meaning.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

  • I traveled to D.C. this past week, touring five colleges. Existing in my mind there is something that continues to preoccupy my thoughts.

    I question the purpose of college.

    I understand that college prepares people for future careers, and will serve as a certain kind of proof in identifying the legitimacy of the person who receives the degree.  I understand that most people need this form of certification to work in an intellectually stimulating career. However, I do not desire this. At least, not initially.

    I want to travel the world.   This sounds incredibly cliché, but it is my primary desire.  I don't know if I will join the Peace Corps, or work with a church doing missionary work, but I need one or two years away from the United States to understand what I actually want to do with my life.  I feel this burning desire craving for freedom from debt and the constraints of society.  I yearn for an understanding of humanity, of perseverance, dedication, and struggle. I yearn for that understanding which people lack the ability to teach in a classroom setting, and I lack from my sheltered childhood.

    I want to learn, but in a different way.

    I am the person who wants to study social interactions from the confines of a coffee shop. I am the person who would listen to stories and learn life lessons through the discussions she shares as she cuts hair. I am the person who is tired of an institutionalized education, and is searching for something deeper.

    So here's my question. Is this desire unorthodox? Is this acquisition of knowledge as worthy as that which can be attained at a college?

    What I desire, can that be classified as knowledge?

AVictimofGravity

  • Visit AVictimofGravity's Xanga Site
    • Name: Irene
    • Member Since: 11/13/2008

Weblog Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

About Me

  • Searching for meaning, life never satisfies...

Subscriptions

Pulse

AVictimofGravity has no pulse!...